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Name: Matt Harris
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Year: Sophmore
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Accused Stalker Arrested, To Be Exiled to China

Police cracked the case of the persistent stalker of Ryan Carrington, the famous Ultimate player and master pottery maker. Matthew Harris, an unemployed sculptor from Madison, was arrested shortly after police traced a creepy letter to his mailbox, and confirmed his fingerprints on the inside of the envelope.

"I'm just glad the nightmare is over. I knew him from high school and college, and we were once teammates and even pottery rivals, but I never knew his admiration would reach the point it did," said a visibly relieved Carrington.

Harris has made no public comments through his lawyers, but as he was being led away, he was heard screaming, "I didn't mail that letter! It wasn't me! I didn't do it! I love him!"

His ex teammates on the Hodags were shaken by the news. "I can't believe that our effective mid-cutter was stalking our main handler. The team as a whole will only suffer. Who knows how good he was going to be," co-captain Peter Rank asked out loud.

Harris' career as an ultimate player will be interrupted now, as authorities are exiling him for a year to Communist China. Some call it cruel and unusual punishment. "I think it's only fair. Let him think about what he's done," said Ryan Carrington.

By Hh

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