Vitals

Name: Jim Igielski
Height: 6'5" (lanky)
Weight: 183 pounds (lanky)
Major: Elementary Education
Year: Freshman
# of Years Played: 1
Hometown: Woodbury, MN
Number: 4
Phrase: "That's swell!"

If you see the new Jim Igielski on the streets, you may not recognize him. You probably remember the slightly pudgy kid the stood no taller than 5'8" in heels. What a difference a two semesters (and 4 wrongly used penis enlargers) make. After seeing an ad in the back of Coochie Monthly for increasing length 2-4 inches, Igielski incorrectly assumed that the vacuum-based enlargers would work on his arms, legs, and head. Or so we thought. We had a good laugh over his purchase and bid our short friend a good Christmas.

Never question Igielski's commitment. After some initial frustration and disappointment, a miracle. Jim reported to the first week of spring practice a lanky 6'5". Although some say he over did it (he slouches from the strain placed on his overstretched neck muscles), no one can deny that he's added a new dimension to his game, and we all look forward to seeing him sky opponents in the future. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is rotating usage of the enlargers, to no effect.

By Hh

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