Vitals

Name: Hector H. Valdivia Jr.
Height: 5'11"
Weight:
Major: English
Year: Senior (in a weird, demented way)
# of Years Played: 5
Hometown: Middleton, WI
Number: 27
Phrase: Q: So, your Gigo's brother? A: "Yes, yes I am"

Mexican Deported: No One Notices

INS agents yesterday arrested and deported Mexican citizen Hector Valdivia Jr. yesterday on charges of "dating our white women." He was flown to Laredo, TX and will be shipped to an undisclosed jail deep in the Mexican desert.

INS Director John Billings issued a public statement. "Don't get us wrong. We like y'all. Come, stay a while, clean our houses. But don't stretch your welcome and date our ladies. Especially not when they're top-notch Ultimate players with more skills than you."

Oddly enough, his absence has not yet been felt by the Hodags, Hector's college Ultimate team. Many teammates were unaware he was missing, and some didn't know who he was to begin with. "Who? We already have a Mexican on our team, his name is Gigo," was a common reply to our questions.

Although several groups are lobbying for his return to the sport and to the states, it's likely that they will have to wait until the next spring season for his return. The pressure placed on the INS to tighten national security is high, and the public favors arresting a few innocents in the hopes that the guilty will be stopped as well. Until then, Valdivia must wait.

"I will return to claim my lady, and to school any and all who choose to cover me. True."

By Hh

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